lessons on being a spineless doormat..

So yeah I just started dating this guy named Bo. It's not going too hot... This should be a lesson on how to be a doormat...which you don't want to be.

1. Friday night. Bo played pool while I sat like a doormat and watched. I told him I wanted to leave because I was sick with food poisoning. Like clockwork, every thirty minutes I told him I couldn’t handle it anymore (throwing up every 20 minutes). The verdict? I lost. Eventually I told him I was sleeping in my car. Did he follow me out? Fuck no. I laid out there with the engine running for half an hour before this asshole was ready to leave. Yes, my own car. I *should've* been a bitch and left his ass there.
   
2. Bo the scrub makes a comment to me Saturday morning that I’m “a hypochondriac” because I stated I needed to go to the PX and get some pain medicine. (I broke my hip 4 years ago unbeknownst to him and it causes arthritic-like pain). I told him he was mean. He stated that he would leave, I said I don’t care. He walks out and leaves me there alone. Later that night we talk on the phone. He says he’ll be back home in two hours. Fucker doesn’t call, and doesn’t answer his phone. It’s off. Then on Sunday uses the excuse that he left me a yahoo message at 10 pm so it was my fault for not answering. I wonder whose computer he used for that one line.
3. Bo the asshole scrub calls me back on Sunday around 5p.m. The only reason he is calling is because his buddy left him alone at the laundry mat with no coins. That’s what a scrub gets for not having a car. Luckily I grew a spine with this one, he called back and I told him I was busy and I had to go to the store and get some cold medicine. Must… avoid… scrub…

Lesson learned: his pool game was more important than my wellbeing. Never date someone who puts their hobbies before you. (It's not like he was performing open heart surgery.) Sound selfish? Of course it is, a girls gotta have some self preservation in every aspect of life she can get away with. It's an unfair world.

what the hell

sometimes i wonder if a psychiatrist would diagnose me as clinically depressed. a few people have jokingly [i think] called me bipolar. well i can assure them that im not, according to wikipedia and my psyc book from 2001. according to them, i have to have "manic" or creepily happy up periods. nope, i pretty much feel like a black hole all the time. since i cant get meds for it without losing my job, and my sex drive is already at zero, i wonder what i should do to alleviate this. im too chicken shit to commit suicide anyways.

i always thought about suicide and felt like my life was destined to suck, which it does. so around after my grandfather died of leukemia in 2002 i left my miserable life and got a new job. i thought it was something that would change my life for the better, which it did. however a steady paycheck and no longer being homeless does no solve depression. the last two years have probably been the worst since i was 12. i've swung in and out of alcoholism, have had increasing social anxiety problems, and have had zero friends or even close acquaintances. yep, the only person i talk to about my problems is my own head when im in the shower for 10 minutes a morning. that can't be good.